FEELINGS - PART 3

,In the last post, discussed the cycle of feel bad - leading to distraction behavior (too much/addiction) - then the secondary feeling of frustration - and potentially bringing us to the tertiary feeling of depression.  Phew!   There is a lot going on when we do not initially address our feelings when they try to speak to us.  But, remember there are no "bad" feelings, there is just the communication of those feelings.  What are they trying to tell us or what action do we need to take at the time?  Ignoring the feelings never make them go away though.  Rather, ignoring has the opposite effect.  That is why today I want to share what 5 PATH hypnotists refer to as the "WISDOM" of feelings.

The Wisdom of Feeling Bored

    Deceptive and misunderstood boredom is often other feelings disguised.  When you experience true boredom, it is communicating -  "I need to experience growth and challenge in my life."    
   Boredom is the one feeling we don't feel bad admitting.  We know we won't be negatively judge admitting to boredom.  Heck, people may say good for you trying to find more challenges, right?  We know we will be judged by others if we admit to being lonely, angry, guilty or insecure because they make judgements about our worthiness and values or even criticize us. 
     However, people are quick to come to a mistaken conclusion they are bored.  When people are fidgety or uncomfortable, they find the feeling fades away by keeping themselves busy.    Initially, on the surface, this conclusion makes sense.   However, if you find that you're driven to constantly keep busy with activities like cleaning house, it may mean that you are just distracting yourself from some other pain causing feeling if you slowed down.  A need, want or desire is not being addressed.  Distracting is a coping strategy, it does not address the root of any problem.  There's no difference between distracting with jobs around the house or an alcoholic who distracts with a drink in order to cope with the bad feeling.  It is a rut of distraction, and that rut leads to further pain and/or even addiction.
     If life hands you lemons, DO NOT MAKE LEMONADE.  Get rid of the lemons if you don't want them.  The lemons represent unpleasant emotions, a sour mood.  Don't sweeten the situation by making lemonade; just get rid of the unwanted lemons creating the sour mood.  A 5-PATH trained, certified hypnotist can easily assist you help in eliminating the lemons; that is once the lemons (cause of the feelings) have been identified. 
     If you are  lonely, for example, and mislabel it as being bored, instead of building new relationships, you are busy with something else you enjoy like eating ice cream.  The loneliness is like the lemons.  The ice cream is the sweetness you add to make the lemonade.  The problem is that when the ice cream is done, you begin to feel bad again,, and again, and again.  Every time you feel bad about loneliness, you will then crave more ice cream or more housework, or one more drink, or one more cigarette (or whatever your fav distractor may be).
    Feeling bored is usually a self misdiagnosis of a much deeper feeling that is not being addressed.  But again, in my experience, it is the most used feeling expressed by people seeking hypnosis or other therapy.

The Wisdom of Feeling Angry

    Anger is one of the most taboo of all feelings.  People immediately judge you negatively.  They will think that you're bad or dangerous.  Anger is one of the most misunderstood and suppressed of all the emotions.  But anger is that tiny little voice from within that says, "I think what is going on is unfair!"  Anger is your honest reaction to your perceptions.  It is what is done with that anger that renders it good, bad, or ineffective.  All emotions come from perception, your perception.  Anger comes from two different perspectives.
    One perspective is from our long standing beliefs about "right" and "wrong" and how things should be.  If we perceive people or situations are as they should be, then we feel they (or life in general) are fair, our expectations are met.  If not, we perceive them as unfair, which conjures up anger.
   The second perspective is directly related to our current mood.  An example is that we have been working hard for a specific result and things aren't turning out as anticipated.  Little or nothing is working in the project, and we are tired and frustrated.  We then begin to think our life is not working either.  Thoughts of "It's not fair" or "It isn't right" surface because of our efforts and good intentions.
    Anger reveals our own sense of fairness and right and wrong.  We feel angry when we perceive unfairness to ourselves or people and things we care about.  Anger motivates us to do something about it.  When that energy is misdirected we may have a tantrum or do something equally as ineffective; or Lord forbid, do something that causes harm to ourselves or others.  Conversely, when that energy behind the anger is directed in a positive manner, we actively seek ways to create fairness.  Many programs that serve the helpless in our society were prompted by anger at an unfair situation.  
    This feeling can also reveal a rigidity of our thinking.  We become angry when people act contrary to our own beliefs.  This anger leads to estrangements between family members or colleagues.  We all know someone who hasn't spoken to a parent or sibling for years because of an offended sense of right and wrong became a barrier to communication.
    Anger also reveals our fears to ourselves, and uncomfortable and painful emotions arise from fear.  When we experience anger, we experience fear that the perceived situation is unfair and might also be harmful.  Angers purpose is to push us into action and seek fairness.

The Wisdom of Feeling Guilty

    Anger has a twin in the game, and her name is guilt. Guilt says, "I feel I have been unfair to someone."  The feelings of anger and of guilt are closely related to the perception of unfairness.  Guilt is the perception of unfairness directed by you toward someone else.
    The only difference between anger and guilt is in the direction of the unfairness.  Both are based on fear.  With guilt, you fear that what you did cause harm to somebody you cared about or that you will be harmed as a result (judgement : self, societal, spiritual...).
"The feeling of guilt, then, is an emotional discomfort or pain that motivates you to take responsibility for your actions in a way that avoids negative consequences that might result from causing the unfairness."

The Wisdom of Feeling Sad

    Sadness is often confused with depression.  Although they do feel very much alike, they are not the same.  Sadness equates to loss.  Sadness is losing something or someone close or important.
    We always want to hold onto things or people that are important to us; it's what fulfills our many human needs, wants, and desires.  We feel safe and secure when they remain stable and unchanged because our lives are, how should I put this, PREDICTABLE.  
    Experiencing loss results in a feeling of sadness.  Losing important people or things leads to pain.  But, the feeling of sadness is good when you understand the language of emotions.   Sadness is around to tell us that the loss WAS significant, and that we must take action to 1) get back what was lost, or 2) replace the loss of the important thing or person. 
    One of the many important and effective ways to effect the feeling of sadness due to loss is through the grieving process.  When the loss is real and permanent, when there is no action to take to change things, always, always, always allow yourself time to grieve and then begin to move on.
     Developing a new perspective is a great aid in this process.  One idea is to write down five things you are grateful for each morning.  Noticing and expressing gratitude for the people and things still in your life has a powerfully positive effect on your life in general.  You may find that your life becomes richer.  This practice may sound simplistic, but it can make a powerful difference in your life (it has in mine).
 
The Wisdom of Feeling Lonely

    The feeling of lonely is communicating "I need to be with someone I care about and who cares about me."  After all, we ARE designed to be social creatures and thrive when surrounded by people we care about and love.
    In the past few years especially, something amazing has been revealed: most people (especially the ones I see) are living lives in crowded isolation.  Probably due to being a mobile society, individuals have lost the ability to build meaningful relationships.  Just a short, few decades ago, most people lived in or near the town they grew up in.  they spent a whole lifetime among the same group of people, enjoying the companionship of their "extended" family and developing relationships.  But, enter the explosion/gluttony of technology and handheld "from anywhere" electronic communication.  
    It's easier to watch a show about relationships than to actually engage ourselves in them.  "Chat" on the web or via text with "faceless" friends that we'll never meet.  People!!!  We are genetically designed to gain satisfaction from real relationships.  We are designed to be social creatures; we thrive and grow when we're surrounded by people we love and care about.  There is NO ACTIVITY that can give us the kind of satisfaction gained from really experiencing being loved by another human being or being part of a group of people who have a common goal or interest.
   Sometimes my clients confuse loneliness with boredom.  They'll say "There is nothing that I am interested in," when they really feel "I wish I had a friend to do something with."  Loneliness is often associated with sadness, but they are very, very different.

The Wisdom of Feeling Inadequate

    I feel like there is something wrong with me.  How many have had that voice pop up in their head?  We all grew up encountering people who decided, for whatever reason, there was something wrong with us.  By word or by deed, we go the message, YOU aren't good enough, rich enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty or handsome enough, and the list drones on and on.  
    Spoken words can be more hurtful when they create a deep sense of shame, such as ; "You're bad.  You've done bad things.  I'm ashamed of you.  What's the matter with you?  Nobody will ever want to be around (or love) someone like you.  You have to do something about your weight...".  Such misinformation has a devastating effect, hurting us emotionally and stays a long time and even have a lifetime lasting effect.  Add to this situations that caused us to feel and think we were inadequate, unloveable and bad.  Even though the negative message may have been our perception, or we imagined others judging us, it still had a negative effect. 
   We have learned from previous blogs that hypnosis is a heightened state of suggestibility.  Most hypnotists believes children are in hypnosis most of the time, meaning they are highly suggestible.  They are in this highly suggestible state until they have gathered enough information about the world and matured to a point to be able to reject these kinds of statements.  Children lack the life experiences that allow adults to reject ideas and opinions of others.  Children accept incredible ideas (Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny,...) just because adults around them say or act as if they are true.  
   Suggestions that carry strong negative emotion based in fear last a great deal longer than the belief in Santa Claus.  If a child grows up afraid of the dark because of the "Boogeyman", she/he may reject their belief in the monster as an adult - but still be afraid of the dark.
    Hurtful misinformation about whether we are good enough to be loveable becomes part of our belief system.  As adults we consciously reject it, but since our beliefs are held in our subconscious minds, they are not so easily removed through conscious effort.  This is why hypnosis can be so effective in helping us get rid of self-limiting beliefs!  The subconscious mind can receive and use positive suggestions and remove erroneous beliefs accepted in childhood through the use of hypnosis.

The Wisdom of Feeling Stressed

    Stress is another form of fear, the fear that you won't get everything done well enough.  You feel like you have too much to do!  To some degree, we all feel stress in our busy lives from time to time.  There are multiple causes of stress, including unsatisfied Primary Feelings (internal stress), the external situation at the moment (situational stress) learned patterns of stress and emotional resonance with the past.  And as if that is not enough for our plate, there is of course the combination of any of the above.  Listen to your feelings when you're stressed, it is very important; and then ask "What is happening in my life to cause this stress?"   If you don't understand and alleviate this stress, you WILL experience desire to engage in some kind of distractor. 
    Stress can be generated by a specific situation in your life.  This can be experienced when you are overwhelmed by your job, family, or other responsibilities.  The task seems too big to handle or handle well enough.  It seems there is too much to do and not enough resources, help or available time.
    Stress is another form of fear.  It informs you that "I'm afraid something bad might happen if I don't get everything done well enough."  It a motivator to what needs to be done in order to eliminate the chance of being hurt, get help or to use available resources. 
    The first step when feeling stressed is  reality check.  Ask, "Do I really have too much to do?"  If yes, relieve yourself of some obligations, like delegate some of the tasks to others if you can.  However, you might find that you don't have too much to do and the stress is from poor time management, lack of organization, or negative self-talk.  Another result of this reality check is you're overreacting; and this can be changed by changing perspective.   It is all adjustable and "fixable". 
    Back in the 1980's a former U.S. First Lady came up with an anti-drug slogan, "Just Say No".  Everyone wants to be a contributor, feel as if they were part of the success of any project/plan, business or otherwise.  Beware of not saying no because the plate may already be full.  Or, maybe you are one of those folks that just cannot say "no". 
    The above stress can be identified as situational stress, which is also referred to as  current stress and results from poor time-management, poor organizational skills, or inability to say no.  Sometimes stress has little to do with what's going on presently.  Experiencing stress all the time, can be learned, AND the family often is the source of this habitual, learned stress.
    Some familial stress is caused by the belief that you aren't trying hard enough care enough if you are not stressed.  Other family's teach the world is q dangerous place and you're never really safe, leading to hyper-vigilance.  Then there is the family that goes from one unmanaged drama to the next.  This message created is that no matter how hard you try, the rug will always be pulled out from under you, passed inadvertently from one generation to the next.  
    Anxiety disorders, in my opinion, can be passed through generations without any genetic component.  The child growing up in an environment of frenzy handling everyday situations or the adult supervisors were always a day late and a dollar short is likely to have picked up that kind of behavior from them.   And if they don't learn how to respond to stress differently than what was learned as a child, the potential is very high that the stress will become a family tradition of sorts.
    Lastly, your stress could be a result of simple overreaction to what's going on in your life.The source of your stress might be all subconscious and a result of emotional resonance.  If you carry around unsatisfied emotions about the past, or you're worried about something in the future, even normal everyday responsibilities can cause a boil over!
 
The Wisdom of Feeling Fearful
    The last of primary feelings is FEAR.  Remember, all emotion comes from perception.  Fear comes from the perception of danger, real or not.  The internal conversation is "I think something bad is going to happen."  Fear is the root of every other feeling previously mentioned.  When you don't meet needs, you don't feel totally safe and secure, generating fear.  
     Nobody likes to feel afraid, moreover, nobody likes to admit it.  Some other words used to express fear are anxious, nervous, worried, insecure, unsure, etc.  Fear lets you know that you need to take care of yourself and the people in your life.  The voice in your head says "You need to take action."
    For most of us,  fear is a result of not having emotional needs met.  When we don't meet needs, we don't feel totally safe and secure, and a state of fear is generated.  Some examples of levels of fear:
     * When our fear is slight, we usually use the words anxious or worried to express how we feel,
      * Sadness comes when afraid loss of an important person (or thing) leaves us unable to satisfy some need,
      * If bored, there is a fear that life will be wasted, meaningless or we're not important,  
      * Stress is generated by being afraid things won't get done, and
    * Being afraid of never having a meaningful relationship, the resulting feeling will be loneliness.
   As you can see, fear can be identified as the root cause of all the discomfort or emotional pain that we experience.  The message of fear is very important because it is a root cause to other feelings.  Understand that we remain stuck in our pain or frustrating cycle of distraction when we don't learn how to decipher this motivating and teaching feeling called FEAR. 

This concludes this week's blog about "Wisdom" of primary feelings.   If we do not address the want, need or desire associated with the feeling we will be led to a secondary level we all call Frustration which exacerbates the primary feeling causing the "too much" behavior to ramp up.  After all, we are trying to guide ourselves to feel better and most times the "too much" behavior (a.k.a. eventual addiction).  When the frustration level feeling is not addressed, tertiary Depression is waiting in line to ramp up the cycle of addiction behavior. 

I am not going to go into the Wisdom of Frustration and Depression in this series.  My goal is to address what got us to to these two feelings.  A 5-PATH trained Certified Hypnotist is considered to be the top one percent in the field of hypnosis.  They will drill down and address what other hypnotists and professionals do not or are not trained to handle.  Behind every behavior is a story from a long time ago that is causing that slight short circuit, and we want to eliminate that perception of the incident.  And then there are those subsequent incidents that reinforce the original one.    

That does it for this week.  I hope you gained a little more insight to feelings and their "wisdom". And that the want, need, or desire which brings them to the surface should be addressed as soon as possible.   My advice is this:
"When you're experiencing the cycle of distractors, seek out the help of a trained, certified, professional  hypnotist early on in the process. Save some time and save some money, but most of all let the hypnotist help you to help yourself."