ESTEEM, CONFIDENCE, AND NEGATIVE INPUT - PART 3

BOOSTING CONFIDENCE

Writer, businessman, and poet Samuel Ullman wrote: "You are as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fears; as young as your hope, as old as your despair". 

If you desire confidence, use the language of your unconscious/subconscious mind.  
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You, as a human being, are born with a high degree of self-confidence.  Yep, right out of the womb.  You have not started to judge yourself as "smart" or "dumb", "handsome" or "ugly", "able" or "incapable".  You don't have notions of possible or impossible of safe versus risky.   Ahh, the good old days; the days when you hadn't yet had time to absorb judgements, limitations or fears of the people and culture around you. 

But like the majority of people your natural, innocent self-confidence started to erode pretty quickly.  By the time you hit grade school I bet ou bought into the notion (as we all usually did) that you can only feel self-confident by earning it.  Think about it!

Who gets to feel good confident around members of the opposite sex?  Why the boys and girls who've had success with the opposite sex.  Who gets to feel confident in sports?  Why the kids who have shown promise or skill in athletics.  Who gets to feel confident about their appearance?  Those who have been told they're beautiful or handsome.  Unlike the natural self-confidence you're born with, this new self-confidence requires PROOF!

Hell, even therapists and coaches that encourage self-esteem focus on what you can do as a path for gaining confidence.  How many have heard these experts say "take action", "face down your fears", "practice actively", or "rehearse until you have your rap down pat"? Your common wisdom leads you to think or say, "The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you". (William Jennings Bryan).  And these approaches only work to a certain degree.

But here's the conundrum: Without self-confidence, you don't even attempt to begin certain things.  And if you do, the success of your attempt is largely determined by your level of confidence in that task or endeavor.  So if you believe you're awkward in social situations, you can push yourself to join the party; BUT your result will measure up to your expectations.  It is a self fullfilling prophecy of sorts, right?  

Lasting self-confidence comes from what you do.  It lives in who you are.  AND who you are is determined by your beliefs about yourself, not external proof or judgement.  Let me reiterate: The unconscious mind holds beliefs and truths about you that really are not changed much by external facts or proofs.  

A thespian can have an outstanding performance, where critics rave.  But if the unconscious/subconscious mind is convinved that you're a mediocre actor, you will approach your next role with the same dread and fear.  On the alternate side, if critics tear you apart but your unconscious believes you are brilliant, you will simply ignore the rotten reviews.  

Ever noticed those rare folks who exude self-confidence no matter what?  She/he fails at several businesses but never seem to take it personal?  The woman who would never make the fashion industry cut, yet walks into the room as if she's the hottest thing going?  How about that talent show kid who sings off-key but with such enthisiasm that he/she is the hit of the whole show?  Now that's real confidence!  That confidence, or lack of it, is based in your unconscious/subconscious mind.  The beliefs you hold within your unconscious mind effects everything from what you observe (or don't) to your emotional reactions to your physiology.

Let's take a look at a guy who does not feel confident with the opposite sex.  What he may do is walk in to a room and observe women turning away from him and that's where the observation will end.  He won't notice anyone who seems interested, he's already "shut down".  He may feel tense, his breathing will become shallower, and his mind may even go blank.   If a woman tells him that she is "not available", he will feel utter rejection.  All of this will happen despite the hours he spent consciously preparing himself into being more confident.  So it begs the question, did the program his coach or therapist laid out for him reprogram his lack of self-confidence, or was it just wasted motion?  I'll let you, the readers be the ultimate judge of that answer.

In my world, the only way to permanently change your self-confidence is to work directly with the unconsious/subconscious to release limiting beliefs and install more positive, confident beliefs.  In working with people one-on-one and in workshops, the most effective way to do this that I've experienced is in using hypnosis and also Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).  Both speak the language of the subconscious or unconscious mind and communicate directly with it.  Within literally minutes using the techniques, You can release that feeling of low self-confidence and replace it with a sense of natural confidence that feels integral to who you atre - not based on circumstances or "proof".

From that sense of self, anything you attempt will feel easier, and any goal you pursue will be easier to attain.  Rather than having your unconsious mind in conflict with what you desire, it will support you and help you to succeed.  It is far beyond proof and circumstance.  This SELF-CONFIDENCE is simply WHO YOU ARE!

Once again we are at the end of an important article geared toward helping you help yourself.  If you, someone you know, or anyone who  suffers from low confidence or poor self-esteem,  real help is available from a qualified, certified hypnotist.  You're all just a phone call or email away.  Our primary goal at Peaceful Light Healing & Hypnosis at  Lakes Region Hypnosis Center is to help our clients help themselves with sound, effective alternative healing techniques.   

Thank you again for taking time to learn about another way you can help make your life or a loved one's better.  I am thinking that my next, and last post in this series on self-confidence will be about a couple of self-hypnosis techniques that I use to boost self-esteem.  Not all of my industry secrets though, for that you'll have to pay me a visit first.  In the meantime, be happy and well.

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